Jayfeather Wants Cake
by InterestingIndeed
Summary: Jayfeather, the noble medicine cat of ThunderClan, has only one thing on his mind: cake. The luscious chocolate cake Hollyleaf makes every now and then. This cake is coveted by both brothers but Jayfeather swears it's his turn to eat the last slice, but Lionblaze has other plans... Suspense! Action! Romance! Yo mama Jokes! Pink Glitter! Terrible Summaries!
1. Cake!

After a long day of being the medicine cat for ThunderClan Jayfeather stalked home with only one thing on his mind: Cake. This cake had been made by Hollyleaf and where Hollyleaf lacked in medicine cat skills she certainly made up for in cake baking. Her cake was always rich and moist and delicious. Jayfeather's mouth watered with anticipation. Of course there was a teeny tiny little problem of Lionblaze who had devoured the cake almost as fast as Hollyleaf made it. Jayfeather had gotten almost no cake this week because of Lionblaze. Lionblaze got home before Jayfeather on most days and that meant he got to the cake first. Normally this wasn't a big deal but with the last final piece of cake on the line it was a HUGE deal. Jayfeather quit work early JUST to beat Lionblaze home for that cake.

Jayfeather walked in his den and bounded to the fridge where he knew a little piece of StarClan awaited him in the form of moist chocolaty goodness. He opened up the fridge and rest his eyes upon the place where the cake sat if he could see that was. Really he was sniffing to make sure it was there. He is blind after all. Have you ever seen one of those commercials for food or soda where the person opens the fridge and a heavenly breeze blows back their hair and light comes pouring out of the fridge and choirs of beautiful angels sing to this person as they gaze lovingly at the food and slash or drink? That's how Jayfeather felt until...

"WHERE'S MY CHOCOLATE CAKE?" He yowled. Gosh dangnabbit! That was HIS piece! And it was GONE.

Lionblaze came around around the corner munching on a piece of cake. He stopped dead and stared at Jayfeather.

"You mean this cake?" He asked through a mouthful of crumbs and icing. Jayfeather gave him the blind medicine cat death stare.

"YES." Jayfeather yowled angrily. Lionblaze narrowed his eyes down to slits and the pair had a staring contest for thirty minutes straight until Jayfeather realized there was only one way to solve this problem: a death match.


	2. Yo mama

Jayfeather and Lionblaze stared at each other in a deadlock. An epic battle of two equal rivals over the greatest prize of all: CAKE. There was only one way to break this deadlock, a death match.

Jayfeather was the first to break the silence. "Yo mama's so stupid she got ran over by a sleeping monster."

"Oh yeah?" Lionblaze countered. "Your momma's so ugly we use her as a twoleg repellent."

"Well, your momma's so old she was there at the first gathering." Jayfeather yowled triumphantly. "I'd like to see you top that."

"Your momma is so ugly when you were born you made the mistake of looking at her and you went blind!" Lionblaze spat.

Jayfeather winced like Lionblaze had actually scratched him. Ouch, that one kind of hurt.  
"Boom," Lionblaze looked sassily back like he had just won the war.

But the war was far from over. In fact in was only just beginning and Jayfeather was going to teach Lionblaze first hand that no cat NO CAT got between him and his cake.

"GIMME THAT CHOCOLATE CAKE!" He yowled and leapt at Lionblaze. "GIMME CAKE OR GIVE ME DEATH.


	3. Lionblaze Is The Warrior Gary Stew

Jayfeather yowled in protest. Now Lionblaze had gone too far. He tackled his older brother. The pair went down, hissing and spitting furiously.

"Mother always favored you the best!" Jayfeather yowled.

"Me? The kit that always had a knack for trouble?" Lionblaze replied. "She always loved you, the poor intelligent blind cat with no more sense than a newborn kit!"

"At least I'm not the Mary Sue of the Warriors World!" Jayfeather spat back. Lionblaze pawsed. (You see what I did there?)

Hey struggled himself free from Jayfeather grasp and gave his blind brother a long and hard stare.

"I'm the Mary Sue?" He asked.

"Of course! When ever I search on FanFiction dot com and I find a Mary Sue people call them Lionblazes after your apparent inability to lose a fight unless you have Cinderheart fawning over you." Jayfeather spat.

"How do you surf the internet when you can't even see?" Lionblaze asked. Jayfeather was pretty sure he was honestly curious but it sounded like an insult to Jayfeather.

"I do it in StarClan," He responded. "Where the internet service doesn't suck."

"You want to know who else sucks?" Lionblaze's eyebrows, or where eyebrows would be if he wasn't, you know, a cat.

Jayfeather knew what was coming next. "Don't even say it,"

"Your mom!" Lionblaze yowled proudly like he had just made the best joke ever and fell over laughing.

Jayfeather facepalmed his brother's own idiocy.

* * *

There was a bit of confusion on the last part about the Yo mama jokes. Yes, they have the same mom, that was the point.

* * *

Will Jayfeather ever get his cake back? Or will the war turn into a long and prolonged battle of yo mama jokes and insults about Jayfeather's blindness?


	4. Your Mom Is A Disturbance

A great disturbance was felt in the depths of StarClan. It rippled the placid plains like a large gust of wind. Hollyleaf felt it rumble through out the peaceful lands. She opened her eyes groaned. Gosh dangit her brothers were fighting again. Might as well go see what it was about this time…

"Shut-up blind cat!" Lionblaze hissed as he bit into Jayfeather's side.  
"No way Mary Sue!" Jayfeather scratched at Loinblaze's face.

"Worst brother ever!"

"I think you top me!"  
"Top me for what?"

"Your mom!"

Jayfeather yowled. "THAT WAS LIKE THREE YEARS AGO STOP SAYING THAT!"

"Never!" Lionblaze spat.

Jayfeather gave a large flip with his behind and flung Lionblaze off his side. Lionblaze crashed into the wall of the den. He stood up, spitting blood from his mouth.

"You son of a Tigerstar," He growled. "Now my fur is ruined! And I ran out of Lionheart's hair gel yesterday!"

"Screw you and your stupid hair gel!" Jayfeather lunged forward. Usually he lunged AFTER he sniffed the air to check out the position of his victim because he was, you know, visually impaired but this time he was too enraged to sniff. He lunged fast and hard and crashed into a wall… three feet away from his target.

"Fail!" Lionblaze roared triumphantly as he laughed.

Jayfeather had had enough. He knew there was only one way to end this.

"You know what else is a fail?" He growled. "Your mom."

Will the your mom jokes ever end? No because aliens don't wear hats. That is how crazy this story has gotten. Someone kill me now.

On a better note I beta read now! But you probably don't want me because if this story proves anything it proves that I am nuts.


	5. Digestive Juices

Jayfeather and Lionblaze wrestled on the ground furiously.

"That's my line!" Lionblaze roared. "Only I can say your mom!"  
"Well I just said it!" Jayfeather hissed. "Just like how you just ate my cake!"

"Well, you're a fox heart!"

"Oh please!" Jayfeather scoffed. And you're a grandson of a Tigerstar!"

"No you are!"  
"No you are!"

Now the wrestling had stopped it was just the two cats standing their yelling at each other.

"No way!"  
"Yes way!"

Jayfeather needed to break the deadlock, he needed to stab his brother where it most hurt.

"Well, at least I am not the one who fell in love with Cinderfart who won't even look at you because of her destiny!" Jayfeather batted his eye lashes rapidly in imitation of a lovesick cat.

"Our destiny's cannot cross like this!" He said in a high pitched voice to mock Cinderheart's. "Oh Lionblaze! You know we can't-" WHAM!

The next thing he knew, Jayfeather was being sat upon by a very angry Lionblaze.

"Shut-up!" Lionblaze growled. "Or else I'll fart on you!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Jayfeather warned. Lionblaze's farts smelled like the dying insides of a flaming hot burrito vomit.

"Wouldn't I?" Asked Lionblaze. Jayfeather heard the gurgles of Lionblaze's digestive juices.

"No!" Jayfeather yowled.

"Then shut-up!"

"Never! I have the audience appeal!" Jayfeather said.

"I bet I have more fan girls than you do!" Lionblaze challenged.

Jayfeather gasped.

"Are you challenging me?" He asked, astounded at this accusation.

"Yes I am," Lionblaze said.

"Then we'll have to see who the audience likes more!" Jayfeather yowled. "Now get off me you fat lard."

* * *

Who do you like more? Jayfeather? Or Lionblaze? Leave a review below with your answer and find out next time! Your name just might get mentioned!


	6. Swivel Chairs Will Rule the Universe!

**Great news! Jayfeather wants cake has been accepted into a community called Let the RANDOMNESS RELEASE into the warriors world!**

**Grab your swivel chairs for a celebration!**

**Thanks to blackclaw57, MeowKitty1912, Colonel-IrritumStudios, Silversnow008, MEADOWSTARFOEVA, and Guest for voting! I really enjoyed the idea of people voting so from now on I want you guys to suggest what should happen next! If I like the idea I will use it and mention you! **

**Happy Reading!**

**-InterestingIndeed**

* * *

Jayfeather clicked on the imessage symbol. He had sent a message to InterestingIndeed to ask for the results of the poll. Interesting was quick to respond. Jayfeather had to use an automated voice reader so he could hear the response. He clicked play on the system and heard a mechanical female voice read the message aloud.

Jay,

No problem, I can send you the results, but please don't let Lionblaze claw my face off.

With love,

Interesting

Jayfeather quickly, or as quickly as he could with paws, typed his response. He had to use braille keys to type cause he was blind (Duh) and then replay the message to double check his typing.

Interesting,

Tndks. I pro1se I wint lwt hum besr u.

-jsy

Jay retyped his message, slowly and carefully this time.

Interesting,

Thanks, I promise I won't let him near you.

-Jay

He waited only about 30 seconds for Interesting's reply. In those thirty seconds he started spinning in his swivel chair until his computer dinged its notification sound.

J

7 votes for you. 0 for Lionblaze.

-Interesting

Jayfeather, who'd never gone to school in his life only had a basic concept of numbers, but he was pretty sure 7 was more than zero. Which meant he had more fan girls than Lionblaze.

"Oh Lionblaze!" He sang.

Lionblaze padded into the den. "Did Interesting respond yet?" He asked.

"Yes indeed," Jayfeather answered. "Listen to this." He pressed his paw to the mouse again and the mechanical voice said the messages aloud again.

"J

7 votes for you. 0 for Lionblaze.

-Interesting"

"Hear it and weep!" Jayfeather exclaimed and hopped down from the swivel chair and swished his tail joyfully. "I GOT FAN GIRLS YES I DO!" He yowled. "I GOT FANGIRLS HOW ABOUT YOU?"

Lionblaze swiped at Jayfeather's muzzle. "Can it Jay-jay!" He hissed. "I'm still not giving you that cake, unless you want to fish out of my dirt."

That shut Jayfeather up. The fact that if he wanted that cake he'd have to pick through the dirtplace disgusted Jayfeather. Now how was he going to get cake?

Just then an idea came to him.

An evil,

Despicable,

Horrible,

Ghastly idea,

But did he listen to us? Nooooooo…

* * *

What was Jayfeather's idea? Decide below in the reviews! Don't be afraid to let your inner randomness flow! If I like your idea I will mention you in the next chapter. I believe in a fair credit system!


	7. Bramblestar uses AXE Body Spray

**The people who so graciously extended their paws with their ideas were Stream that Flows Around Rock, MeowKitty1912, and Colonel-IrritumStudios!**

**I love reading all of my reviews! If you have any questions, comments, or ideas, leave below and I will be sure to answer them!**

**Happy Reading!**

**-InterestingIndeed**

* * *

An evil idea it was. Jayfeather could have earned a phd in evil for this idea alone. For such a nice guy-I mean- cat he sure was evil. I guess that's what cake does to you though.

"You know what?" Jayfeather meowed. "It's just some cake, Hollyleaf can always make more." He did his best to sound sincere. "Let's forget about it."

Silence. Lionblaze's jaw dropped to the floor. No way his brother was doing this.

"What ulterior motive do you have?" Lionblaze asked. "I still have a large arsenal of digestive juices I can utilize at any time."

Jayfeather cringed at digestive juices. "Nothing! I just don't like fighting with my brother!" He was trying to keep the laugh from his voice. "After all, we should go together like ketchup and mustard, like bread and butter, like fangirls and me…"

"If you leave out the fangirls part you've got yourself a deal," Lionblaze said. "No more fighting okay?"

"Deal!" Jayfeather said but had his paws crossed behind his back. Mental note to self: never trust Jay-jay.

Lionblaze was the heaviest sleeper known to cat kind. Jayfeather had no problem sliding the plush object from his brothers sleeping paws. Another thing about Lionblaze: he snored. Jayfeather swore the den vibrated. Maybe instead of fighting the Dark Forest warriors they just stuck a sleeping Lionblaze out there. The snoring and the farting would be all they need.

Clenching the plush object tightly in his jaws, Jayfeather dashed back to the safety, and clean air, of his medicine cat's den. He dropped the object down on the floor, now, for the washable markers. Jayfeather, marker uncapped and clamped in his jaws, made scribbles all over the plush toy.

If Jayfeather was going to be honest he had no clue what he was doing. He flung the markers aimlessly at the plush thing hoping to make little marks. He tried drawing a cake.

It looked like it had come from the dirtplace.

He tried drawing faces with tounges poking out.

That didn't turn out very well.

He even tried drawing Cinderheart,

But gave up after he drew the third nose.

Jayfeather needs to go to art school.

Finally Jayfeather gave up on markers.

He went for the glitter.

Leafpool's secret stash of pink glitter she kept behind the herbs.

And the perfume.

The perfume was Bramblestar's. He thought it made him smell better to Squirrelflight but even on cat's no one likes the smell of AXE body spray.

The last thing Jay-jay grabbed? Noodles and glue. He stuck the sticky pasta bits all over the plushy. He didn't know where he was sticking them but he was sticking them somewhere.

That somewhere just happened to be the butt.

Then, with the help of his computer's camera, took a photo of his vandalized prize, and made a note on the photo:

Buy JsyfrDHteR MoAr Ceak oR thy Dheuil GeTYS UT.

Oops, pressed a few wrong keys there, it hard to type with your paws, when you're blind.

Buy Jayfeather more cake or the Cinderheart Cuddly Doll gets it!

-Anonymous

Jayfeather, covered in a mix of pink glitter, AXE body spray, and noodles clicked print on his computer satisfied with the horrible deed he had done.

* * *

**Thank you so much to all of you who put your ideas below! I decided to use Colonel's ideas after eeny meeny miny moe because all the ideas were so good! Here was Colonel's idea:**

**Jay decided to make Lionblaze buy him a new cake or Jay will take away Lion's Cinderheart cuddly doll. (Which Lion sleeps with everyday)**

**So Colonel wins the evil genius of the eon award, let's give him/her a round of applause and a cookie!**

**I feel like this chapter was super serious. How do I lighten the mood?!**

**I mentioned a while back about Hollyleaf... I completely forgot about her... any ideas what she should do?**


	8. Swively Depths

The back of the swivel chair was all that was visible. It concealed its owner well within its swively depths. After a moment of silence the chair gave a squeak as it span around slowly revealing a white cat with gray stripes on her paws, tail, and around her face. Her eyes were like ice and her gray ears resembled storm clouds. Two purple ear buds were placed in her ears but the wire was tangled beyond repair. The laptop cast its eerie blue glow across the cat's face. The cat was deep in concentration, typing furiously with her… paws.

In the background someone cleared their throat. The cat looked up and jumped in surprise. The swivel chair toppled out from under her, her laptop went flying and her ear buds fell out and strains of 'Dark Horse' could be heard. A few cats laughed nervously.

"Forgetting something?" One of them said. The voice was low and throaty, seemingly coming from no where.

The white cat got to her paws and hissed menacingly at the cat who had spoken.

"I didn't know we were doing it now!" She said furiously.

"Really? You didn't see the camera?"

"I thought we were practicing!" The white cat protested.

The disembodied voice grunted.

"Uh, Mr. Producer sir?" A timid voice said. "The camera is rolling," The source of the voice was also disembodied.

"It's rolling?!" Squealed the she cat in fear.

"Yes!" Huffed the voice. "Now say your lines!"

The view went in and out of focus for a second and the white cat cleared her throat.

"Hello viewers!" The cat meowed in a newly found chipper voice. "Many of you know me as InterestingIndeed, the author of such well known and beloved stories like 'The Clans Halloween, Destiny's Calling, and -of course- Jayfeather Wants Cake,'"

The cat flickered her white gray striped tail nervously but her face was a mask of calm. "I just want to say a few things and then I can go back to be funny, M'kay?"

She paused as if waiting for a response, like on Dora the Explora.

"So I came on this morning and after posting chapter number," She paused for a moment, then turned to the side and said in a hushed whisper. "Which one am I on again?"

"Chapter 7," Came a timid meow.

"Thank you Stonecloud," She said. "Chapter 7."

"You welcome," Stonecloud meowed timidly.

Mr. Producer-sir made a deep throaty growl in his throat.

"Oh, shove some rocks in that hole of yours, will you?" The white cat spat and rolled her blue eyes exasperatedly. "Working with you is no picnic either, Grumbletail,"

Silence. The white cat, satisfied with herself, turned to face the camera. "When I went to check on my 7th chapter of Jayfeather Wants Cake I got a great big shock, Jayfeather Wants Cake has pulled in 705 views! That is amazing! That's about 100 visitors per chapter!" The white cat talked on excitedly. In the background, a light gray cat with white splotches that looked like clouds on his pelts wearing glasses and a nametag that read 'Hi! May name is Stonecloud! And I am the Assistant's assistant's assistant's manager! How can I help you?' Strain to right the toppled over swivel chair. "I am just so amazed I got this many views! Thank you guys SO much! I never expected to be even on this site that long. Most times I try and do something like this, I get super discouraged after about a month of getting nothing so for me this is huge! I could not have done this without you guys, again, thank you!" The white cat meowed excitedly. Stonecloud was pressing his back against the fallen over chair and heaved. A few soft grunting sounds escaped him. The white cat did not notice. "I promise I'll post my funny chapter of JWC in a few hours after I run through it and pull out everything that makes coherent thoughts, but for now I just want you guys to know I am so thankful! If guys have any ideas what we should do when I hit 1000 views let me know in the comment section below! Until then," The white cat jumped onto her swivel chair Stonecloud had just gotten to stand up.

"PUSH ME!" She squealed excitedly.

A coppery red pelted cat responded. "YES MA'AM!" And slammed her side into the swivel chair sending it gliding across the studio floor. For a brief moment her nametag was visible and it read 'Hi! My name is Lizardtail! And I'm a personal assistant! How may I help you?'

"I'LL SEE YA! OOOF!" The view shifted as the camera was knocked out of position. Now you could see Lizard tail sprawled next a toppled over swivel chair.

"Not again!" Moaned Stonecloud through a meow of laughter. "I just fixed that Frostwing!"

The swivel chair had crashed directly into a table that had contained a large cake with blue iceing. Though now you couldn't see it the cake had once read 'Congratulations On Your Success!' in white iceing. Now it just read 'Con-SWIVEL CHAAAIIIRRRR-ccess!' and the actual cake-a chocolate and vanilla marble- was everywhere.

The white cat called Frostwing poked her head out from a mass of cake and iceing. Her once white fur was now dotted with cake and blue buttercream flecks. She looked ecstatic.

"That was awesome!" She roared. Then she noticed Lizardtail lying face first in a pile of baked pastry. (Is a cake a pastry?! Someone tell me!) "Oh, sorry Lizardtail," She said.

Lizardtail lifted her head and meowed in a dazed slurred voice. "Where's the mouses?" Then fell back into her iceing mess.

Frostwing backed away. "Um, sorry?" She squeaked nervously.

"CLEAN UP IN STUDIO EIGHT!" Grumbletail yowled. "WE NEED AT LEAST TWELVE APPRENTICES AND A MEDICINE CAT!"  
Then the camera went dark.

* * *

Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you guys so much for the 705 views with a sincere speech and-of course- cake! Every one gets some free virtual cake! Bonus points if you eat it on a swivel chair! So I promise I will post the funny chapters in a little bit.

I did thoroughly enjoy this though. Would you guys like it if I made a story on 'Studio Eight' where the writing is 'filmed' and posted as a separate story? *Says in Mr. Krabs voice* Tell me!

Happy Reading!  
-InterestingIndeed and Studio Eight

PS Lizardtail is alright, she just has a mild concussion. Stonecloud did eventually clean up the chair and set it up again and-somehow- the apprentices got the blue stains out of the carpet. Grumbletail is still complaining about the studio smelling like cake but no one else seems to mind. Frostwing (Interesting's Warrior Name) also managed to get the blue iceing out of her fur after 3 hours in the shower.


	9. Rubber Ducky, you're the one

No more serious business, it's all funny from here. I promise.

* * *

Hollyleaf grumbled all the way through StarClan.

Firestar looked up as she passed, a mouse tail sticking out of his mouth. It wriggled oddly as she sucked it in.

"What are you complaining about?" He asked here and followed her, matching her paw steps. "I hope old Yellowfang hasn't been bothering you."  
Yellowfang had taken a, er, personal interest in Hollyleaf. Every time she saw Hollyleaf Yellowfang would start throwing rubber ducks at her. It was really awkward for every cat involved.

"No, she hasn't." Hollyleaf meowed. "Well, I've been avoiding her and her rubber mallards."

"Rubber mallards…" Firestar mumbled. "That's a new one. Now what are you complaining about?"

"Your grandchildren are fighting over my cake." She meowed.

"Seriously?" Firestar asked, excitedly. "Can we watch?!" Hollyleaf threw one of Yellowfang's assault ducks at her grandfather.

"WHERE'S MY DOLLIE?"

The cry echoed throughout the camp. Jayfeather couldn't help an evil grin that formed on his face. He managed to wipe it off as Lionblaze blundered into his den. He stopped for a moment.

"Why is there macaroni on your face?" He asked.

"Ummm," Jayfeather fumbled frantically for an excuse. "I was going to make another cake to make up for it?" He said, his voice warbling suspiciously, but being the stupid moron Lionblaze was he took no notice.

"Really?" He teared up. "I'd hug if you cats could do that!"

"Well if we can break the fourth wall multiple times and only be called out once in the reviews I think the readers will allow a hug." Jayfeather meowed thoughtfully.

"HUGGIE!" Cried Lionblaze and rushed at Jayfeather-

SLAM!

THIS STORY HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED BY THE FOURTH WALL. PLEASE STAND BY WHILE FANGIRLS RAGE IN THE BRACKGROUND.

* * *

Okay! Some insane people did want to see Studio Eight as a story so guess who's coming up with the rest of the cast! ME! I should post the first chapter in a few hours.

Got a great idea? Want to see your name in a story that makes about as much sense as the YouTube copyright thingie? Then, in the words of the great LittleKuriboh, creator of Yugioh The Abridged Series (WATCH IT NOW) TELL ME! In the review section!

Who's your favorite character in the story so far? Mine's the fourth wall and rubber ducky number 17!

Got a cat you want to see break the fourth wall? TELL ME!


	10. YOU'VE NO APPRECIATION FOR RUBBER DUCKS!

10 CHAPTERS OH MY GRAYSTRIPE WOOT WOOT! ALMOST 1000 VIEWS AND 30 REVIEWS AT THIS TIME! YAAAAAYYYYY!

AND NOW A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM YELLOWFANG!: RUBBER DUCKS AND SWIVEL CHAIRS AND CAKE FOR EVERYONE!

In reality I was so unmotivated to this chapter… I felt really bad because you guys are depending on me to deliver happiness and smiles and broken fourth walls and I haven't been doing my job lately. Sowwy! I need to continue to promote world peace with random stories about cats and cake! BUT EBOLA IS MAKING ME DEPRESSED.

* * *

Jayfeather and Lionblaze got put in a time out for breaking the fourth wall which in Jayfeather's opinion was unfair. Jayfeather supposed it was a big inconvenience to fix it every time someone broke it. It wasn't like Leafpool could just pull out some duck tape and BAM new fourth wall! (Yes Leafpool was their handy cat when it came to fourth wall fixing)

Lionblaze became really surly for the rest of the day after that which derailed Jayfeather's evil plans. How could Lionblaze concentrate on what danger his Cinderheart cuddly doll was in if he was all depressed? So Jayfeather literally spent the rest of the afternoon scheming.

Back in Starclan Hollyleaf facepawed herself repeatedly. Why did she have to have the stupidest brother's in the clan? Seriously Jayfeather? You honestly think your brother is going to get you a new cake when he can't even count to two? And Lionblaze, you can get Lionheart's hair gel from Bramblestar. Bramblestar has a lot of AXE body spray and hair gel in vain attempts to impress Squirrelflight. In reality he smelled like a two leg tom and prey could smell him from miles away.

How ever what would win Hollyleaf's stupid cat of the year award would have to be Jayfeather. Who steals a Cinderheart cuddly doll from their brother? Especially if Jay-Jay knew he'd be starting a war over it. Not that he would know that, being not dead and all.

"RUBBERDUCKS!" Yellowfang cried from behind making Hollyleaf jump. She turned just in time to get a face full of yellow rubber birds dressed in an assortment of odd outfits, like cowboys and flamingos.

"ARGGGHHH STOP ATTACKING ME!" Hollyleaf yowled. The rubber duck assault ceased.

Yellowfang was staring eyes narrowed at Hollyleaf.

"You do not understand the beauty of the rubber duck!" She yowled and stalked off.

Hollyleaf was left there, bewildered and confused. Beauty? What beauty was there? She sniffed one of the yellow rubber birds. It smelled like chemicals, and rubber. It was no Mona Lisa that's for sure.

* * *

YEAH  
RUBBER DUCKS  
HEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPP MMMMEEEEE

Want to motivate your favorite or least favorite author? REVIEW, FAVORITE, FOLLOW. Or don't. That fact that you've read my craziness should tell you enough about me to run away in fear. I'll give you a 23 year head start! That's my christmas gift to you guys! (That and my Christmas specials)


	11. PIRATE!

I have a message for you guys!  
You guys are awesome!

Don't let anybody tell you differently!

Keep it Interesting!  
-InterestingIndeed

* * *

It took Jayfeather the entire day, but he finally came up with a plan: He would make a cake all by himself. Then he realize he was a cat, and cat's don't have chocolate, or ovens, or thumbs and those are essential things you need to make chocolate cake. Probably eyesight was essential too. Jayfeather came up with another plan. He'd make a cake and threaten to force feed Lionblaze the cake unless he gave Jayfeather Hollyleaf's cake. How evil… Jayfeather gave himself a mental pat on the back. He was a clever cat indeed! Lionblaze would never see this coming! Unfortunately Lionblaze was doing the exact same thing.

A large group of sparkly cats were gathered around one very large rock. It was a meeting of StarClan.

"As you may know we have a very pressing matter on our hands." One of them meowed gravely.

"Of course we do!" Yowled Yellowfang. "I'm running out of rubber ducks!"

Everyone rolled their eyes at the senile old cat.

"This is no time to be fooling with rubber geese!" Growled Bluestar.

"THEY'RE DUCKS!" Yowled Yellowfang. Bluestar barred her gleaming twinkling fangs.

"You and your foul rubber fowls," She growled. "I'LL SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF AFTERLIFE!"

"BRING IT ON BLUE CHEESE!" Yellowfang hissed.

"OH I WILL YELLOW FART!" Bluetsar yowled.

"QUIET!" Hollyleaf roared and glared at the 2 old cats.

Surprisingly both female cats stopped.

"This is not over," Hissed Yellowfang.

"It is for now." Hollyleaf meowed. "Certainly you remember what happened last time."

"No not really," Firestar meowed. "Was there a last time Whitestorm?"

Whitestorm stopped in the middle of licking his leg and looked up. The whole thing looked very ridiculous. "There was if the author says so." Whitestorm said simply and suddenly there was a large crashing sound and everything shook.

"What's happening?" Hollyleaf asked.

"Someone broke the third wall!" Bluestar said.

"There is no third wall you mouse brained old bat!" Yellowfang spat. "You mean the fifth wall!"

"FIFTH WALL YOUR RAINBOW DUCK!" Screeched Spottedleaf. "SOMEONE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AGAIN! AND NOW THE REALITY POLICE ARE GOING TO SHOW UP!"

"YOU MEAN THINGS ARE GOING TO MAKE SENSE?!" Whitestorm yowled.

"I CAN YELL TOO!" Yowled Lionheart. "BLAAARRRGH!"

"WE'RE ON THE MOON?" Yelled Hollyleaf. For some reason all the cats in StarClan were yowling their jaws off and you couldn't hear yourself purr, let alone think.

"PARROTS ARE BALLOONS?" Asked Firestar.

"NO!" Hollyleaf screeched.

"CARROTS AND BABOONS?" Asked Spottedleaf.

"ROTTING CARTOONS?" Lionheart yelled.

"NO!" Hollyleaf yelled. "BESIDES WE'RE NOT-"  
"WE'RE ON THE MOON!" Interrupted Mosskit bouncing up and down excitedly.

Everything went quiet as it slowly dawned on them that they actually were on the moon.

"This is the moon?" Mousefur asked, tapping the white surface and wrinkling her nose.

"Uh, HOW DID WE GET HERE?!" Asked Hollyleaf. Of course it was the only logical question asked from all the 'wise' old cats.

"Do they sell Froyo here?"

"Can I ride a unicorn here?"

"MY PANTS ARE ON FIYAH."

"I guess things making sense was wishful thinking on my part." Sighed Firestar. "There's only one thing left to do."

"Uh try to get the Author's laptop and rewrite this baby?" Hollyleaf asked.

"No that's impossible." Firestar said. "The author is more protective of her computer than Golem of his ring." [MY PRECIOUS!] "What we need to do is…"

"Uh where's that music coming from?" Hollyleaf asked as suddenly music had started blaring from nowhere but when she looked over at her grandfather she saw that he had a pirate hat on.

"Uh," Hollyleaf backed away so that the crazy could't infect her. "What are you-"

"LET'S RIP A WHOLE IN THE STORY TIME SPACE CONTINUUM!" Yowled Firestar. "THAR SHE BLOWS!"

BZZZZzzzZBZZTVGJSkdufD FKUc bkbcd…

We interrupt this quality programming for a special message from your author.

Hello my fine feline readers! HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL FOR NOT POSTING. I AM SO SORRY AND THERE ARE NO EXCUSES. HAVE SOME RUBBER DUCKS!

Keep it Interesting!

-InterestingIndeed

Next Time on Jayfeather Wants Cake.

PIZZA BAGELS


	12. A Broken Stick To Be Exact

Hello my Rainbow Cats! Thanks for the warm welcome back! So I was going through reviews-Your reviews mean a lot to me so I read every one. I've read all 40 of them. On one story I have 106 and I've read all of them too. I LOVE reading the reviews. They give meaning to my days and days to my life, or something like that- and I found one from a Spottedmist:

What the heck is this?

Well Spotted there are 2 things I have to say: I LOVE YOUR PROFILE PIC, and to answer your question this is a story about cats and cake: the 2 best things in the world, unless you're allergic to milk, or cats, or both, which would be really unfortunate. I'll make you some allergen free cake if you are. To be honest this is more of just something I put together because I got bored and some how it took off. Now it is my life, or something like that.

I hope this answered your question! (It probably didn't)

* * *

Between all the fourth wall breakage and Yo Mama jokes it was impossible to keep the whole event quiet from them. Every creature in the forest did their best to safe guard the events in the forest but with every dam there are cracks. It doesn't take long for some cat like them to exploit those cracks for information and use it to their advantage. Of course, we're talking about the Dark Forest.

The blood red waters glinted menacingly. The dark trees towered over the mass of dark warriors. Dark Forest is like heck for bad cats. So the darkest of the evilist of the most foul septic tank of scum and creatures cats can deem catkind reside their, but you'll learn more about them later. All you need to know is that Tigerstar is there, making it not a very good tourist spot.

"We must use this confusion to attack!" Yowled Tigerstar. After learning about the Moon pirate attack and the fourth wall breaking again he had called an emergency Dark Forest meeting to discus possible ways to use this. The other dark forest warriors nodded. "We can slip in, do our job and no one need ever know until we can reclaim our rightful place in the forest!"

"Wait," Came a timid mew. Tigerstar couldn't identify it from any of the other voices in the swarm of congregated nasties so he looke din the direction of the voice and hoped he didn't look stupid. "If we attack won't they notice? I mean, it's not like we can pull of a full scale take over and completely murder everyone without any cat noticing."

"You raise a point," Tigerstar pondered. "A point I have already thought over. We will be in disguise!" Tigerstar actually hadn't thought of this point at all, he made up the whole disguise thing on the spot. He hoped he sounded competent enough for everyone to buy it and they'd worry about it later.

"A disguise of what?" Came another yowl.

"A muffin!" Cried one cat.

"No! We need to go as dogs!"

"That's stupid and so are you!" Retorted one cat, hissing at the mere suggestion of a dog disguise. "We need to go as fairies! Every cat loves fairies!"

Every cat just stared at him oddly as a dead silenced hush fell over the crowd.

"No!" Tigerstar responded trying to reign in the attention of his subordinates. "We will go as cakes!"

From behind him he heard Mapleshade slap her face with her paw and mutter "Here we go again."

"Cakes." Mapleshade said as they were padding back to base. "You want to shove us in colorful sugar filled gluten sacks and expect us to take over the entire forest? Have you even stopped to think about what could happen if the cats eat it? Do you remember last time sugar came down into the Dark Forest?"

Tigerstar shuddered at the memory of sugar high cats going insane as they raced around the forest screeching their jaws off. It had taken weeks for everyone to beat the crash that came afterwards. And an entire series just to clean up the forest for their big debut. Sugar had become a banned substance in the forest since but rumor had it that there were a few dealers that could hit your up with a pack if you had a good sized rat or something for trade.

"We won't use actual cakes then." Tigerstar told her. "What do we have in our vast supply of things the fans have sent us?"

Mapleshade thought for a second. "Uh, a lampshade, 3 Santa suits, and a stick, a broken stick to be exact."

"Oh," Tigerstar meowed, his voice falling. "I thought we'd have more."

"Well sir," Mapleshade sighed. "There's only so many main characters you can kill off and get a good haul from fans."

"Drat." Tigerstar spat. "Just when we actually needed stuff and it's not like we can just go up there and slip into a convenience store."

"We'll have to make do with what we have." Mapleshade mewed. Mews are supposed to be cute, but Mapleshade's mews sounded like darth vader running through a cactus forest while the gorund is covered in glass and it is raining glitter. In otherwords it sounded menacing.

"No!" Tigerstar said. "I have an idea!"

"Please don't." Mapleshade moaned.

"TO THE INTERNET!" Yowled Tigerstar.

* * *

SO that's it for today! OR IS IT? O.o

Review! Fav! Whatever!

I am starting a question of the day! Please answer it!

QOTD: What's your favorite kind of cake?

Also if you have a QOTD you'd like me to ask everyone tell it to me and not only will I answer it but I will put it in here for everyone to answer!

My Answer to this: Chocolate cake with buttercream icing. I LOVE BUTTER CREAM. Everyone is all in love with vanilla or chocolate or that weird tasting icing on store bought cakes. When you think about it that icing tastes really bad but at the same time it is sugary goodness. WHY?!

* * *

A Message from Tigerstar

Dear readers of this fine fan fiction! We, the dark forest warriors, need your help getting the supplies we need to take over the forest! Please send us what you want in the reviews and we'll will use it to the best of our cake making ability. Which is not a very good one because cats can't decorate cakes. Well, one of our warriors used to be a kitty pet and he lived with a baker so he knows a few things but really that's it.

With love (URK!)

-Tigerstar


End file.
